deer with black spots..

I was standing beside the street on that rainy day, enjoying the rain drops...... The fragrance of earth, drenched in the new rain, set my mind back....
I can clearly remember... the roof above was getting darker and I was walking through the woods, when I saw that deer with black spots....
I followed its foot steps, hoping.. it'll help me find my destiny..
I went through the un-familiar routs... Suddenly, an external force threw me into the space... and a gasp of fear caught my mind!
I got up from my sleep, my dream, my unconsciousness..... and ran for long, gasping for breath, to find a way out...
When I looked around, I couldn't find anyone in sight-before, beside or behind...
Now, I don't know where I am standing! And... Where did the deer go?

butterfly...

He always wanted to be with the near and dear ones. Whenever there was an opportunity he used to come HOME... Everybody used to like him so much……!
I feel he knew that he came to this planet only for a sojourn and wanted to be with his dear ones most of the time...
His death has created a vacuum in our lives. He had an ...aura around him which made him so attractive..
Like a butterfly that comes to this world giving joy to all those around and leave this world after a short period, he left this world leaving all of us in PAIN…
Oh September... You make me CRY...

story of a flower...

It was one of those days.. when I went to the riverside to grab a handful of water... There I could see an evergreen garden, full of flowers... a flower, which never wilts & having no fragrance.. a flower, whose colour I didn't know...
‎My mind became as small as that flower... I even forgot the rain, the river, the nature around me... I wanted to know the colour of that flower... and give it the smell of my sweat...
My mind started wandering about that flower... those moonlit nights and times when blood was oozing out of the moon... and felt it flowers only for ME...
When I tried to taste it, I tasted salt.... and dreams came crashing down.
I made those memories into a handful of ashes and floated on the river...
Now... I can feel the crying nature, hear the fluttering of the river, see the smiling flowers around me... That flower is still there, enlightening the world!

A Ayyappan

He died the way he lived. It was my good friend jijo who made the name and life of poet ayyappan familiar to me. A poet who lived on the streets, questioning the norms of civility and our images of erudite and straight jacketed poet...
One will be struck by the poignant contrast between his poetic style and uncouthed life... His life was ended as an unwanted, on the streets of trivandrum, leaving behind few lines written on a crumpled piece of paper, ostensibly referring to the image 'death'...
His death in a way was a poetic justice... a fairy tale end to a fairy tale life... He had access to images, which none of us have... As he set out for an odyssey to a world, which we are not part of, let's try to read and discuss the poetic marvels he has left behind for the posterity ...

my friend

When I met him for the first time, the vibes came out... I felt as if, I knew him for long. He is a good samaritan and my soul mate. Despite being part of an adulterated world around him, he continued to be the original mallu guy with all its flaks, firmly rooted to the ground....
‎We used to share and share alike... Now, that he has left this shore for a greener pasture, I feel happy for him... But, I feel the pain of not having my good friend around. I say.. no pain in this world can be as excruciating as the pain of separation...

alone in the crowd

Dear friend,

After creating a blog two years ago, this is the first time I am posting something on it... After reading so many thoughts appeared in different blogs, I thought I should also write something.. As they say the written words have a life of there on... So here I am subjecting you to severe mental torture with my random thoughts. If you have the guts to withstand my fury read on, otherwise just hang off.

I think the mindset of a man is determined a lot by the situation in which he is in.. It was in 2006 that I joined my organisation, where I am working now. When I think of my life after joining the oganisation, I feel that there has been a sea change in my attitude towards life or "philosophy of life". I could learn so many things, meet so many people, visit so many places which otherwise would not have been possible in my lifetime.

I only have a vague memmory of the first induction training we had at Agra, before joining the orgainsation. While the mercury was souring in Agra, we had a great time there. But after leaving Agra, we all got disintegrated to form different groups.

After working for about four years in the organisation, when I think of my future I fear a lot. I am more worried about my parents. Both me and my brother are away from home and my parents are alone now.. with them trying to find solace by being with more than a dozens of cats... They are getting old now.. Hereafter how will be their life like? When I think about that, I feel like quitting and going home...

I like to stay in my home watching TV, doing nothing and eating whatever my mother gives. I will be missing all those moments!

They say distance make heart grow fonder. They also say deepest relations are alsways afraid of distances. Dear! are they mean one and the same or are they convey different?

I don't mind if you decide against answering my mad thought. You might be wondering "what this empty headed fellow is driving at?" after reading all these nonsense. I like to write rather than speak. I like to have a veil, because I don't have to worry about those preying eyes, the changing expressions on the face... Oops! the life of an introvert, I say!

I admire you, for the way you enjoy your life. I can feel that in the umpteen number of friends you have, without expecting anything in return. So severely home sicken your friend says good bye...

She

Dreams about her are coming to my mind like petals of flowers...
And I'll keep a kiss for her on each of those petals...
I'll keep those memories close to my heart, like broken pieces of bangles...
Like a sea which hugs its shores, though it had hugged it many a times before...
I'll share my sole with her.......!

trail of toughts....

21.05.2010

It has been a painstaking experience... after I fell head over heels on last sunday. Gone are the longest few days of my life, wherein life has virtually come to a standstill, with seconds appearing like hours, hours like days, days like months... I think clocks have stopped ticking..

22.05.2010

Although, I could see the green flag flying across the eastern sky, where the sun dawns, I'm yet to see the green flag on the seaside where the sun sets... It adds up to the tension in my mind. More so, because I'm alone and nobody is around to talk to.. Of the few friends I have, some have deserted me and became preachers, fearing that they may get distracted from the path of purity...

22.05.2010

The summer in Bangalore had never been like this before, atleast during my four years of stay here... But the rains have brought in earthy fragrance of life back... Sun is hardly visible.. But I hope the coming SUNday will end my miseries, with sun peeping out of the clouds floating above my head.. to enlighten my SOUL and take me to the MOONlight...!!!

23.05.2010

Oops! the clouds are not there anymore... I can see the green flags fluttering across the sea shore.. Now let me take a MOONwalk!!